corrupted world.

2006-07-02T23:32:00.000-07:00

Changed blog link already.

http://cheeseandbutterflies.blogspot.com

relink me okaes. (:
loves.

2006-06-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

My Girl (:

irritating douglas.
kena gan by him sia.
really fcuked up.
dont really like maya.
(:

ii am like so fat la.
damn!
hate eating, but cannot resist. T.T

YAWNS
tonight is the night.
GERMANY VS ARGETINA!
wee~ germany go.
klose, must beat crespo ya. (:

ITALY vs UKRAINE
ass la, they are just lucky.
POOI ii dont like. (:

he is complianing about my chat log.
hates picky teachers.
damn him! HOLY SHIT!!~

fcuked up projects.
damn damn!
ii am really getting grumpy sia.
hates.

oh, she aint upset cause of him. (:
neednt worry more already.
guess all is gonna be good.

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do

2006-06-29T18:56:00.000-07:00

Sudden Misses

i miss my grandad.
i miss that dumbo.
i miss my love.

i miss my bestiie.
i miss my part time.

i miss joann.
i miss my FUNS.
i miss so many so many.

still in school.
with beii, chococone and cheryl.

silly me.
sudden saddness. T.T
i need a hug.

he's different.
he hurts.
its scary to see what he has become.
she's upset, yet i can only watch.

what do i want?
what does my heart say?
i dont wanna think.
i dont wanna know.

time is running out.

2006-06-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

Many Many

what can i do?~

ii hate that laiwan,
"you dont need to explain till the cows come home"
=.= cows come home?
damn!

dreaming of soccer.

if ii cant make a choice,
ii will choose not to choose.

miss my funs,
is it possible for us?

emotions all mixed up.

sleepless nights
tired morning
ii've had enough

This is the song,
lala lala~ elmo song.

2006-06-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

Giddy Spells

GOOD MORNING~

throbbing head.
tummy ache.

dumb service reflection.
got a warning letter already!
at start of term two?? T.T
shit 8 oclock lesson and 6 hr break.
getting debared is gonna cost me 1000+ bucks.
POOI

two fucking girl were horribly noisy on the bus.
laughing at each other's names.
reminds me of primary school times. (: awww~
c'mon la~ grow pls. =.=

ii havent stared on my projects.
aint got the mood to.
my hols are gone! fast.
ass la

okae. ii'm being grumpy.
prolly cause of missing slp.
or is it cause ukraine got in? (:
hah.

ii need someone to lean on.
hug and slp. ooh~

As he face the sun,
He cast no shadows.

2006-06-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Deja Vu

next match against portugal.
woots~
shall not ask beckham to do housework.
should rest more. haha. (: SMILES

see, food...

it's claypot laksa.

happy tofu!!~
ii also dont know why it is so la. (:

gigantic sausage.

CHOCOLATE CHEESE!
ultra not nice. dont try. POOI

food nowadays.
getting weirder everyday.
but still ii love eating. (:
gaining weight already T.T

ooh ooh~ pretty boxes!
no no, it is not furry de.

wahahaha. now for the most exciting picture.
my love and i.
SWEETS~ hot shit. DROOLS

my team and i.
plus an extra little boy.
sianed.
baobei, your love is ultra not shuai in this picture la.

Beep.

2006-06-25T03:33:00.000-07:00

Just Another Day~

we broke up.
just a day before.
no tears. (:
guess it was the best for both.

now let me intro my new love...

no no no.
it is not rooney.
the one in the middle.
BECKHAM.
oh aint he hot?

its so cool eh.

three cuties.

went over wl's house.
happy birthday to ... !
haha. (:

my jacket no stock.
suay la. so damn angry.
POOI

wahahaha. ii am going crazy.
TOOK PHOTO WITH BECKHAM!!~
lean on his chest. (#'_'#)
tonight cannot sleep le la. (:
mommy say ii siao.
post the picture in my next entry ya.

baobeii trying to sing temperature.
wahahaha. sound so funny.
so retard. on phone with her now.
she succeeded the chorus part only.

He wasn't what I wanted
What I thought, no
He wouldn't even open up the door
He never made me feel like I was special
He isn't really what I'm looking for

2006-06-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

S O C C E R !!~

chips, laughs, tv.
that was how we spent the night.

ooh. jw's new room is sooo~ long.
nice bed you have. SNORES (:

woke up at 0950 by jw.
did my selections. wee~
fell asleep on the sofa.

IBM customer service center is so nice.
peisi ask me why never take free choco.

HMMMS =.= ii didnt know.

ate my chicken rice.
YUMS chilli...

town slacking with my girls.
we all got tired. YAWNS
it's home to slp we say. (:

Switzerland VS Korea
who will win?
my Lee Chun Soo~ Jia You.

ii hate feeling shitty. POOI

baobei got stuck in the rain.
SADS wonder what happened after that.

o.O

love and ii ought to go job hunting.
its $1.20 left. T.T

oh~ that little girl.

digging that salty coconut. haha.
my my~ what have ii gotta say.
HMMMS. lovely.

ooh~ and, yes ii got bored.
guess where we were...

haha. and oh oh oh~
lets see...

dont they look alike?
choco-cone!!~ YAY

and ii say he looks cancerous doesnt he?
(: dumb. ii dont like that thing on your head.

i'm growing fatter by the days.
SIGHS seriously need to lose weight. T.T

Unwritten.
Vague Memories.

2006-06-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

It's Play School...

they broke up.

pink black green black green red.
wahahaha
it made up a story.
yes, we are lame. (:

random gives good results.
had fun indeed.

going oldies.
ii knew ii loved you before ii met you...
lla~

ribs and meat. SIGHS

love is the bestest known.
a very special someone indeed.
should really treasure.

sometimes ii feel so distant.
its like you dont exist anymore.
ii dont like. (:

moodless, emotionless.
ii am already used to living with it.
if that is the way things are gonna be,
ii'll accept.

when there isnt gonna be a choice,
whats my path?

breaking down.......
....... into pieces. (:
loving it.

Aiyo, wang zhe xiong kou pai pai ya,
yong gan zhan qi lai.
Bu yong xing qing tai huai.
Aiyo, xiang zhe tian kong bai bai ya,
bie xiang bu kai.
Lao tian zi you an pai.

2006-06-21T01:02:00.000-07:00

Hwalalalala~ dont ask me why. (:

guess what.
went to sing k with family. (:

lla~ lle~ llo~ wee~
garfield is so not nice.

POUTS

ii need money. SHIT
work pls!!!!

love beckham!!~
love kaka!!~
love lee chun soo!!~
love quek!!~
and most imptly, love me! (#'_'#)

problems, problems and more problems.
nah, its just me for now. (:

can you believe it?
talked to love for almost freaking 4 hrs la.

had a serious talk with bro.

he is in deep shit.
kids nowadays, mature too early.
or am ii just far too childish?
NO! err, ii dont think so la. (:

sometimes ii think it is stress.
and the reason is the expectations.

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine...

2006-06-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

She's so lucky, she's a star...

yeaps. was daddy's day ytd.
went to eat at chijmes.
so freaking many people.
soccer + wedding + daddy's day = no parking.
daddy got people to valet his car. GRINS

now introducing Hog's Breath Cafe:
the menu...

daddy's food: hickory prime steak, mega cut
mommy's food: blacken prime steak
my food: cheezey prime steak
little bro's food: some beef burger or so. (:
but, one word of advice. if they ask you for side dish order, it is better to choose vegetables and mash potatoes over salad and baked potatoes. the salad is a few random pieces of raw veg and the baked potatoes look like one big brick. T.T

soccer after that.
made mashed potatoe for my love.
she's been asking for it for days.
sang the potatoe song. haha.
stayed over. sweets.
okae. so it isnt appealing.
but its yummy alrights.
tell them, love. tell them it is so. (:

went swimming in the early afternoon.
with family and love.
tired. ii am so tired. T.T

Her feeling she hides
Her dreams she cant find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She cant find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place.

She's lost inside lost inside...

2006-06-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

My Life Goes Shalalalala~

Yes, meii.
Finally a new entry ya. haha.
Stop complaining through the phone.
ii love you. (:
and dont say that ii want long dont want you.

it never is that way. POUTS T.T

CRAZIIE~ all the way.
ooh. thats what ii've been.
kinda love things now.
but the picture aint gonna be perfect again.
yes, its sad. ii know. (:

skating skating.
wah. ii'll have heaps to learn about.
tricks and stunts. T.T
gonna learn that jumpy thingy and do a combi (:
Yes, ii am gonna be good.

REAL GOOD! (:

GSS!! ii've spent alot on very little.
bad. who said what about discounts?
PIAN REN DE!!~ it never is that way.
ii am not labelled am ii?
no ii am not!! (:

new phone rocks.
soccer too. (:
ii am in love with you.
you know who. (:

WINKS

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

2006-06-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

One down. (:

INMM is finally over.
2 more to go.
yes, melody jia you.

after that, it will be fun all long.
ooh. ii just cant wait. (:
thanks peeps.

ye lai xiang, wo wei ni ge chang (:

2006-06-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

Darlings~

oh. that twister game.
got me body aching.
too old? T.T

god, make me so studious

that ii dont recognise myself.
(:

offered to walk me home.
and that 'takecare'
oh, ii'm loved again. (:
SWEETS

We wish you a merry christmas,

We wish you a merry christmas,

And a happy new year. ((:

2006-06-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

Missing My Baby Tonight. (:

Sitting underneath

the moonlight

missing my baby tonight

this feeling's just not right

the last time

we touched, it spent so long

and love just keeps me strong

i know that there is nothing wrong

but i feel so alone tonight

cause i miss my baby

the love i've been missing for so long

her loving keep me moving on

never understand

the way she makes me feel

when she hold my hand, i hold back

i have this plan

she was his angel

lasted waiting for his word
to come down here and save me

she's my baby

and i feel so alone tonight

cause i miss my baby

i know that she's the one for me

she thinks the same about me

and i feel so alone tonight

cause i miss my baby

the love i've been missing for so long

her loving keeps me moving on

and on...

and on..

her loving keeps me moving on..

i just keep holding on

but i'm not that strong

without you..

i just keep holding on

but i'm not that strong

without you

and i feel so alone tonight

cause i miss my baby

i know that she's the one for me

she thinks the same about me

and i feel so alone tonight

cause i miss my baby

the love that i've been missing for so long

her loving keeps me moving on.

HAPPY BELATED 21ST BIRTHDAY BESTEST!!~
loves. (:

2006-05-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Life Aint Good.

25th was bad. ):
26th was nice. (:

27th was still alrights.
and today, 28th, all is ugly.

the rain was nice.
kept me slping.
NOT DOING MY PROPOSALS!!~

oh god. ii really shouldnt have.

things are bad.
wonder if ii will ever regret what ii say.
guess it was the best soultion of all.
and if all is going to be okae,
as in if he's gonna be happier,
guess its all alrights for me. (:

sometimes ii hate myself for what ii've done.
memories everywhere.
now now now, keep me occupied.
and while ii am typing this shit,
the stupid coco crunch ad is on channel 8.

POOI la. why must say xiao feii.
dont like at all.

ii miss him again.
rain make me think much.
feeling all cold and alone.
maybe when ii am free this week,
ii'll go over for a visit.

saturday is near.
ii am afraid. what if things go wrong.
then we'll be together.
together forever.

And do they have radios in heaven
I hope they do

Cause they're playing my song on the radio
And i am singing it to you

2006-05-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Liar.

A puzzle yet completed is lost.

empty promises made.
shallow sweet talks.
its just never gonna be the same again.
what you told me and never did,
what you said but you didnt mean.
ii want to forget it all.
ii want to erase you from my brain.

times you hug me tight were dreams.
but those times never last.
when ii am awake, all would be back in reality.
that cold cruel you. that you who never said much.
ii tried my best to tolerate.
but ii guess that was all ii could.
in times from now, all would be over.
pain, sadness and anger.

to me its all just but a nightmare.
and it is definately time to wakie.
no matter what, ii shall be strong.
for all those who believed in me.
for all who were by my side.
you? ii never want to feel your existance again.

if you could and if you would,
keep all those promises you've made.
and if otherwise, just vanish into thin air.

you dont hurt me like that.
you dont have the right to.
you dont make me stay and take me for granted.
ii dont wanna hate you. dont force me.
things we've done, you should remember.
but to me, those memories are just like the mist.
they clear with the wind.
life goes on after that.

that once so impt you.
ii thought ii could never live without.
but times have changed.
you never treasured what you had.
and perhaps like all that you've lost, you've lost me.
it may never be a sad thing to you.
but ii want you to remember.
dont say things you dont remember,
cause they tend to hurt.

ii am too tired to care much.
too sick to hear.
too hurt to bother.
walk away.

2006-05-21T15:24:00.000-07:00

On The Way Home.

saw a lady and her two kids on bus.
they were sharing a big cup of mac ice milo.

lady: let didi drink the milo also.
BIGGER BOY GIVE RELUCTANTLY.
THEN HE SNATCHED BACK.
lady: ii said let didi drink!
little boy: kor kor is naughty boy! POUTS
bigger boy: no ii am not! PULL MOM'S SHIRT
lady: if kor kor naughty boy then you naughty girl lor. SMILES
LITTLE BOY SHAKES HEAD
lady: then you good girl okae?
LITTLE BOY NODS HEAD AND SMILES WITH GLEE

he didnt even bother if the gender was wrong.
as long as in his mom's eyes, he was good.
such simplicity.

my heart sank deep.

dreamt of her constantly.
was my motivation to keep moving on.

Sweet Gossips.

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

2006-05-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

Kelong!!~

came back from malaysia lo.
was very tired ever since.

hmmm. wonder why. POUTS
went fishing.
with family,

relatives,
dearest,
ru and darren.

alrights la. (:
we still quarrel alot.
wonder if it is ever gonna stop.
hates. T.T

what is my greatest wish?
WORLD PEACE!!~ (:
no la. ii want harmony.
ii want to 'he ping de xiang chu'.
but but but,
what do ii get? T.T
ke lian de wo arh.

ii somehow cannot really care if he cares le.
ii've got more to trouble over.
its so sickening. SIGHS
ii really hate it.
facing it alone. yet alone. again alone. always alone.
SIGHS no emo la.

hungry, ii am so hungry~

*grrr grrrr*

OOPS sorry. that was tummy.

forgot to bring ezlink card.
so never go school ytd
but ended up having tummy ache.
haha

so heng lor.

2006-05-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

My Shining Star.

its been 13 years since you've been gone
you left me without saying goodbye
ii remember like it was yesterday
your smiles, your tears, your frowns

you rock me to slp on lonely nights
you hugged me so tight on stormy nights.
you never spoke much, your smiles said it all
you never scolded, you never complained.
one puff of the cigarette puts that smile back to place.

a whip of the cane against your strong arm
was how you shield me against all wrongs
you were there for me all the time
nobody, simply nobody could lay a finger on me
you knew ii was wrong, yet you stood up for me

ii saw you work hard for that little money
to buy me candies after school
your hands were rough
you had cuts here and there
but ii loved it when you
wrapped you big hands around mine

all went well during that time
ii had what ii wanted and all was just fine
then one day, your eyes turned red
for the following days you couldnt get out of bed
soon they had to send you away
to that horrible place of pain and needles
mommy said ii had to stay home

one fine morning when ii opened my eyes
the whole house was dressed in white
everybody was busy packing stuff
mommy got me some clothes to change
she said ii've got to be hurry
something was not right
people walked around your house in tear stained faces
nobody told me anything
for the rest of the days, mommy said ii neednt go school
she made me stay at home with different relatives coming over

that faithful day ii got to go out
mommy brought me to your house
many people were in a tent downstairs
ii saw a huge wooden box in the middle
mommy asked if ii wanted to have a look
so ii took a peek, the very last peek
there you lay, sleeping so soundly
ii smiled.

the following things happened too fast to remember
just that ii saw monks and heard prayers
then they pushed you into one big flame
it look as though it was some magnific magic trick

days passed, ii waited for you to come back
but you never did.
then one morning ii decided to ask mommy
ii saw tears roll down her cheeks as she said
'my dear girl, he's gone. not coming back.'
ii asked alot of questions, but she never told me much

ii went down to the playground where we played last time
it was empty. dead leave scattered the place.
then there came a slight breeze. the leaves flew.
ii felt cold. you werent there to hug me.
only then did ii realise that ii was alone
and you were gone...

only years later did ii find out that you died of lung cancer.

that one puff of cigarette took you away from me.
ii love you.

2006-05-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

Its My Life.

tried login in to blogspot.
access denied.
then ii tried many many times again.

still access denied.
then ii got so kan chiong.
thought ii was hacked.

but nooooo~
for the username,
ii type my email.
gosh.

what was ii thinking.
blurr shit again.

been waking up ultra duper early in the morning.

guess its cause ii sleep early at night.
1 is the latest.
bo pian la.
tired ley.

so busy nowadays.
projects. proposal. presentation. sketches.
what am ii to do?
how to cope sia?
sianed. SIGHS

class has not been good.
me and joann gotta xiang yi wei ming.

baobeii got cheryl to peii her.
so no worries.

Monday:
IN3D sketches.
SWEN lab test.
Tuesday:
LDSCHR movie proposal.
LDSCHR project proposal.
Wednesday:

no major hand ups. YAY
Thursday:
CMSK3 presentation rehersal.
Friday:
Vesak Day. Going Kelong. YAY

SIGHS boring. no motivation.
no mood.
been very grumpy lately.
sorry dearest. T.T
its a hard up life.
what will ii be,
without your tolerance,
without your patience,
without your love and care?
ii'd be nothing at all.
thanks for the so much you've done.

ii've not been skipping school.
only one pathetic SWEN lec.
bo pian. 7hrs straight no break?

sorry man. if ii dont skip that lec and go for lunch,
ii might be dead by now.

ii have totally no idea what SWEN is about.
ronald sucks. he looks ultra funny and duper boring.
ii really need to buck up.
motivation. someone, anyone?

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

2006-05-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

Blurr Sotong!!~

went wrong lab.
everybody followed me.

whole class. (:
ruz found out that it was lab 45 not 51.
then saw that the teacher couldnt find us.
haha. orbi ronald kl.
he said that he posted in ole le.
so apparently, nobody checked eh.
haha. ii feel so noob. T.T

maya makes me feel noob.
damn damn cheem la.
cheem pok. T.T
ask us build temple.
shit la. so lame. T.T

we're no longer close.

2006-05-04T11:39:00.000-07:00

I Am SO Hungry!!~

"now, you are going to get the rabbit's foot for me.
in exchange for juliet's life.
look at your watch.
you have exactly two days time."

ooh~ yes yes.
ii've watched MI3. (:
at cheap cheap $6 ticket.
rabbit's foot. yes yes.

its as lame as it sounds.
till the end, they still dont tell you what it is.
=.= POUTS

school is getting busy.
loads of work coming up.
saw my favie today.
can you imagine how happy?
ii was a few cm from her face.
and yes, to me she is gorgeous.
woot woot~

okae okae. ii am begining to sound sick eh.

GRINS

ii want to print all my notes.
going home straight.
BEAUTY SLP.

NOTE PRINTING.
here ii come~

2006-05-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

Beauty Sleep. YAWNS

dearest stayed over ytd.
mommy asked him to do so.
went blading today.
in the early afternoon sun.
abit red faced. (:
abit only la.

poor dearest. T.T

ii think there is something wrong with me.
shit two times today.
daddy say ii very shitty.
SIGHS old meanie.

hmmm. found out that aug might be gay.
SIGHS what if he likes dearest?
gosh. my bro and my bf. o.O
what am ii to say?
EVIL LAUGHTER. (:

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away

2006-04-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

Her Face, Scares Me.

stuck home with that boy.
nanny day. =.=
couldnt compromise on dinner.
pizza hut. yay. delivery. YUM YUM.
looks like ii have to entertain him.
they're gonna be out soon. HELP~

aug: peii me play game!
mel: no, ii have other things to do.
aug: SULKS always like that one!!
aug: SCREAMS mommy, jie jie dont want play with me.
mom: aiya, ni peii him play awhile la.
mel: ... =.=

never get things my way.
unfair. POUTS

printed notes today.
getting then binded. (:

AUG ALMOST IN TEARS...
aug: mommy, ii wanna go with you.
mom: no. they never invite you la.

aug: but mommy... PUPPY DOG EYES
mom: dont like that. got jie jie peii you ma.
HE STARED AT ME WITH THE,
'WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE HERE' LOOK.
mel: cant you be independant?
mel: what if one day mom and dad are away?
mel: are you just gonna die on the bed?
aug: then just let me die on the bed!
mom: SIGHS
mel: ... =.=

tell me how the heck am ii to enterain that boy?
that freakingly irritating 12 year old kid.
wanted to rent some vcds to keep him occupied.
too expensive. budget. T.T
and if ii dont play,
he sulks and complains and stomps his feet.
cant he be independant??!

he told me today he wanted to watch 'house of wax'
wanted to let him to scare the hell outta him.
so that he'd shut up for the day. (:
but on the other hand,
he wont be able to sleep at night.
then it will be my fault. T.T
maybe next time ii should charge her
for the nanny service ii provide. (:

Mom asked me to blading on monday morning.
anyone interested? she asked.

Whats the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight

2006-04-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

New Formula. (:

yes dearest. ii am blogging.
on a daily basis? that depends. (:

25th april:
our sweet sweet 4th month.
went bugis.
bought our puzzle
dearest looked for 3/4 pants.

made him look small.
real small. T.T

26th april:
school really sucks.
ii cannot get along with the classmates.
what to do? project? how how how?
went over after school.
fixed puzzle.
yay. 3 days to complete. (:

found out something today.
toothpaste cures pimples.
my maid smeared toothpaste all over her face.
pimple outbreak was the reason.
got a shock when she came out.
argh. ii really dont like her. SIGHS

2006-04-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

I Remember Like It Was Ytd.

augustine is irritating.
he's getting the w550i.
SIGHS waiting for mine.

new freaking modules.
new sucky timetable.
new classmates.
god knows if we're able to get along.
argh. was hoping for school.
now dreading it.
ITS TOMORROW!!!
CRIES T.T

as usual. had a quarrel ytd nights.
told him quite alot about my past.
SIGHS just another bad egg?
ii never know what ii want. (:
indecisive. POOI hate that.

still sick.
ate curry, otah and chicken still.
BBQ ytd was alrights.
surprisingly, after the rubbish food, ii feel better.
ahha. see, rubbish food does wonders. (:

maybe ii should start saving.
but imagine.
MELODY IS SAVING!!
what a joke. she never saves. (:

I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
And there's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you

2006-04-22T01:48:00.000-07:00

Dance, Dance

too much happening.
ii wanna join him in heaven.
oh bring me there my lord.
SMILES (:

dinner at some hk cafe.
food not bad.
but the ambience sucks.
totally mood spoiler.

POOI. X=

here ii am writing something about you.
my little liie-low boy.
so dont complain. (:

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you
For all my life I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you'll be

2006-04-21T02:26:00.000-07:00

From Under The Cork Tree.

yes yes.
its games games in the house.
cluedo.
game of life.
guess who.
risk.

woots.
time tables out.
boy am ii lucky or what.
beii and joann are in my class.
yups. thats right. love them.

common flu period eh.
haha. ii've got it.
but woah, heck care la.
GRINS (:

someone bring me out for some nice dinner date?
pay my bill. pull my chair. serve me well.
ii wont mind if it is home cooked.
that reminds me, BEII WHAT HAPPEN TO MY MEATBALLS?
been addicted to cheese for some time.

argh. no no no.
strike that off my list.
~~food.~~
ii need a diet.
ii wanna lose 5kg.
help. just get that food thing out of my mind pls.
kills.

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance this is the way they'd look
If they knew how misery loved me

2006-04-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

Think Its Food Poisoning. T.T

ooh la la.
schools gonna start.
we're all gonna get real busy eh.
goodie doodie.
ii miss my classmates.
lovely. SMILES

long since ii post.
getting real lazy these days. OOPS
that is bad, aint it? X=

things people do for love. SIGHS
piah the vcds that manda lend me.
full house.
stairways to heaven.
wonderful. kills time.

been long since ii went out with funs.
everybody is busy. busy busy.
ask me out. somebody ask me out pls.
somehow ii think ii am rotting at home.
one sad case.

rains. love it.
makes me all sleepy. drowsy.

ALVIN SAYS I LOOK LIKE SOME SUPER IDOL IN MY PERMED HAIR.
gee. make me happy only. (#'_'#)

ii still think of her sometimes.
but ii know its over. (:

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner vision
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

2006-04-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

Tired Me

1st april:
surprise surprise, baobeii
yes, alot of effort put in the cooking.
1st time cooking. you are honoured.
SMILES (:
you know ii love you.

2nd april:
happy happy birthday.
sambal balachan damn hard to find.
had to get to the chalet in rain.
plus attitude uncle.
freakingly fucked up.
goodie doodie, the chalet damn big.
1 kitchen, 1 dining, 1 living, 2 toilets
4 bedrooms, 6 beds. 2 queen sized.

3rd april:
people left. only 8 of us left.
me, dearest, baobeii, darren,
meii, junyong, edmund, chang yong.
nothing much to do.
guys started playing water.
we started digging on the watermelon.
they we decided to join in the fun.
capped the empty half watermelon on jy's head.
then there goes the water + melon fight.
water playing fun was, REAL FUN.
to me it was better then ytd,
cause this time, all was involved.
ii love all that was there to enjoy the fun.
LOVES. (:

4th april:
checked out at 10 plus.
breakfast at changi village.
went baobeii's house.
fell asleep from 12 plus to 2.
went home with jy.
got stuck in the rain.
POUTS

things didnt go as smoothly as ii thought.
thought it could be more of us.
ii never want to doubt your feelings for me.
but now, can you give me some assurance?
waiting to hear those words once more.
words that touch my heart.

saw alot this chalet.
found out many things as well.
some things just cannot be forced.

2006-04-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

In Here, It Bleeds.

feeling kinda down at the moment.
if only all could go back to the start.
then perhaps nobody had flaws.

sometimes ii hope to sleep on and on,
till one day they pronounce me dead.

ii wished ii had you,
there by my side,
always and always.

ii miss you. terribly.
ii've seen all that you did.

where is the smile across my face?
it left when you left.
now, ii wish ii had never known you.
then perhaps ii wouldnt be living in regrets.

2006-03-31T23:37:00.000-08:00

In Great Pain. T.T

phew, was my imagination.

having this ultra duper sense of insecurity.
sometimes ii wish it could just be of you and me.

baobeii is turning 18 real soon.
think of all the nice shows she can watch.
dreams~

ahhh~ are you mine?
cause it seems like my world is turning for you.

2006-03-29T14:54:00.000-08:00

Rains. Loves (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LONG!
ii want to go zoo. POUTS
can some kind hearted soul bring me there.

can that silly meii not be stuck to maple?
can that piggy baobeii wakie earlier?
can that somebody not add on to my irritation?
you just dont see do you.

already worried sick, yet you never understood.

2006-03-29T02:24:00.000-08:00

Not Good At All.

haiis~
not coming.
late.

head spinning.
tummy feeling all bloaty.
guess its my imagination.
POUTS

2006-03-27T10:33:00.000-08:00

Slight Breeze in My Hair.

boring day at home.
had some friends over.
love rain.
cools the place.
pain is killing me.
she force me to eat that medicine.

still ii missed girls night.
you know something, we're so far drifted.
we no longer make a difference in you.
look what's becomed of you.

2006-03-26T16:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday.

yups. 3rd month ytd.
he's such a sweetie.
love ya. (:

2006-03-24T19:41:00.000-08:00

You Make Me Go Lala~

ooh la la.
been slacking, sleeping whole day.
SMILES. so proud of myself.

gonna trim all my finger nails.
wait for them to grow,
then paint all black.
hmmm.
wonder if dearest will paint his too,
if ii ask him, that is. (:

totally hate freaking hot weather.
drizzled in the late afternoon.
yay. LOVES.

found out something recently.
if they dont belong to you,
no matter how hard you try to fit in,
they'll just look at you like you're some geek.

bah. people can get very irritating.
nope, ii dont like the way you use words against me.
when ii give in to your lame comments,
its never that ii agree.
its that ii never want to be bothered.
dont think too highly of yourself.
you are just like any others. (:

2006-03-22T02:29:00.000-08:00

Dreams, Hopes, Me

Lobster. yay.
yummy yummy.
okae. great food.
I LOVE MAN TOU IN CHILLI CRAB SAUCE!

missed out on sakae.
wondered if they missed me.
hmmm. (:

fell asleep on the sofa.
wanted to call baobeii.
house phone low batt.
T.T call tomorrow.

everytime ii see you,
ii see hope.
say you love me like never before.
say ii am the only one for you.
say you're mine to keep.
say you're never gonna make me cry.
because you know ii love you.

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

2006-03-20T22:54:00.000-08:00

Beautiful. (:

It's nothing like I've seen
You're the reason behind smiles
I think I'm in love
Baby, you're mine
Hold back my tears
and tell me you love me too

Now I'm in over my head
for something I said
Completely misread
I'm better off dead
And now I can see
I think it could be
This hypocrisy is beginning to get to me

2006-03-19T23:12:00.000-08:00

My Love

Cause she's bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for

2006-03-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

MA LA Soup Base! T.T

ii've been sleeping late
and waking up early.

T.T

yay yay yay.
decided not to think so much.
although ii want things better.
but thinking alone aint gonne help. (:

ytd, went to tian tian huo guo.
okae la. the soup base still alright.
and the food was not as wide variety as on tv.
so conclusion: no second time.
cost me freaking $25 somemore.

not good not good.

so damn broke la.
more outings to go.
but can money not be involved?
hee. or anybody wanna treat me?
ii dont mind leh. (:

today ii am gonna rot at home.
good girl.
so sweet right.
haha. ii know.
dont say le. ii shy. (#'_'#)
wahahahaha.

2006-03-18T12:22:00.000-08:00

Good Morning.

gosh. ii am bad
ii just told augustine off
because he bought breakfast for me.
but ii just totally have no appetite.

maybe ii just expect too much to happen.
getting more of the disappointment.
what does he really actually want?
when ii thought that all was fine,
something leads my thoughts astray.

perhaps like someone said,
ii aint good at relationships.
to think how ii get so fed up everyday.
haha. sounds stupid when ii think back.
silly me. (:

ii really wanna go out and have a real good time.
possible? as in no quarrels and all?

everything seems like they have been solved.
but is that really true? not likely.
problem still exist.
nobody wants to care about anything.
so be it?

had a good time ytd with them
laughter and all.
to think that ii thought melodiie was back.
lies. (:
coming home makes me think.
waking up makes me wonder.

perhaps ii am just too tired for it.
perhaps ii am just not prepared to face it.
perhaps perhaps perhaps. (:

ultra duper super luper irritated with life. T.T

2006-03-17T14:17:00.000-08:00

Innocence is Fading Away.

every single one of your words pierced my heart.
but ii aint crying. stopped last night.
my heart is in a mess.
if you told me it was over, would things be better?
ii know ii aint wanna let go.
but all these is driving me crazy.

does 'Loves' really mean loved?
or is it just like any other greeting?
as in 'Loves, blah blah blah'.

status? impt? anyone have any opinion?

blah. ii so much do not wanna care.
its killing that lil girly in me.
just when ii thought all was to end,
you threw yet another rock at me.
aint sure if ii can lift it.
most prob not.

met george just now. he is sick.
bestest is sick too.
ii am gonna be sick too. T.T

bestest best bestiie. you've gotta get well.
ii need you so much. T.T
superman is gone. ii cannot lose you too.
baobeii, meii, phy, part time and my laughters, you've gotta be there for me.
ii wanna be strong. but where is my strength?

think ii am meeting jordan later.
hope all goes well. make me laugh like ii used to.
thanks for being there at my lowest.

appreciated. really thanks.

if we last an eternity,

are we going to fake an eternity?
makes no sense.
they'll find out.
sooner or later.

its either we do like you told them,
or you had better come clean.

it aint for me to decide.
ask yourself. which one is impt?
ii dont wanna do things behind your back,
so ii hope you will not too.
is there anything else ii can say to change the situation?

ii almost died under the hands of the evil superman.
wahahaha. T.T

2006-03-17T02:56:00.000-08:00

Follow My Heart.

ii am so tired.
too much quarrels.
trying to cope.
trying very hard to.

ii am not sure how to tell him.
he might never understand.
aint no joke this time.
aint no excuses.

ii love him, yes ii do.
but that aint the main thing.
this is bringing us nowhere.
ii am heartbroken.

ii aint putting anything in.
but ii got back a wonderful rounded up 3 mths.
ii know that aint fair.
ii've got some shit stuck in my heart.
dearest, ii need you to overcome with me.

if you agree on so, we will last till eternity.
if it aint so, maybe its time for me to let go.
letting go aint easy for me.
you're the bestest best honestly.
and ii aint wanna share you.
the more ii love you, the more you get hurt.
ii am sorry. terribly sorry.

its not chances we are talking about here.
its, ... blah. ii dont know.

phy said if ii can overcome, that would be the best.
ru said to talk nicely.
ii said even if we broke up, its not that ii never loved you,
its that ii never wanna hurt.
you'll be kept in my heart, always and always.
ii promise.

uncountable tears ii cried for you.
forgetable memories.
wonderful times we had.
ii want you to know that no matter what happens in the near future,
ii would gladly be that one for you.

are you still that superman?

2006-03-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

Machiam Chalet. (:

with phy. (:
meii came about 30 min ago.
they playing with with some dont know what.

we slack whole day la.
nice weather for slacking. (:

me and dearest had some conflict ytd.
almost...
but never, heng arh. (:

work work work.
HAIIS. never mind la.
ii shall understand. T.T

it aint that bad eh?
ii mean money is impt what.
supposingly nothing bad is happening.

lla~ down right bored.

drank ytd. not drunk.
yay, ii am strong. (:

2006-03-14T00:06:00.000-08:00

Lucky Girl, Me (:

ii cant live without you
can't breathe without you
ii dream about you
honestly tell me that its over
because the world is spinning
and ii'm still living
it wont be right if were not in it together
tell me that it's over
and iill be the first to go

2006-03-12T23:42:00.000-08:00

Picture Full Entry.

slept at 0530 and woke up at 0700.
YAWNS. Malaysia here ii come.
went for breakfast and then shopping.
mommy bought two pair of shoes.
lovely. SMILES.

then went to some old old aunty's house.
celebrated her 82th birthday.
dont ask me how she is related to me.
ii dont know. (:

her house is so freaking kampong.
plus that freaking hot weather.
KILLS. T.T
it is those old old type
cemented walls and floor.
half chipped of doors with curtains
small small tv and ratten chairs.

where to find such a lobang in Singapore.
ahhh~ kampong life.
DEFINATELY NOT FOR ME!

this is that aunty ii was talking about. mommy said she looked like mickey mouse. =.=

This was the food we ate. notice the brown brown dish beside the fishball soup. it is chicken in rice wine. simply delicious and is never ever seen in Singapore because they actually made the wine themself. gosh. must have taken them ages. T.T

the rectangular light brown block like dish is the toufu. they serve it in two different ways. fried and in some bean sauce. it is special because making toufu is actually what they do for a living. they have a so called place to do it infront of their house. cool eh. (:

then as ii stepped into the kitchen, ii couldnt help but notice the stove.

this is like so ancient can. oh my god. imagine me going into the forest to chop up some wood just to cook some instant noodles. SADDENING.

eeky beeky. they have stray cats running around in their house. T.T what happen to cleaniness??

that ah mah's cake. so nice hor. abit old fashion hor. but having shan shui hua on a cake is somehow cool in another way. haha. the birds or 'he' are actually 3D la. COOL. (:

Yay. one last group photo before we leave that place. Augustine, Mommy, that Ah Mah, Me and My Aunty. Daddy was too busy disturbing the poor monkey. (:

okae, so on the way home ii noticed this car.

DOGGIE CAR! hang so many doggies on the window. not disturbing meh? if it is in Singapore, sure kena the caught.

okae, now for some non related photos.

this is mommy on some kiddy ride in the downtown east arcade. (:

these pictures were taken during cny. that girl is my cousin. renee. she is not even primary one yet she is already cam whoring. okae. kinda cute actually. (:

that precious 1st shot she didnt notice.

tell me she is not trying to seduce me. T.T

yes yes. she loves the cam. but you cannot disagree that she is really cute. haha. can you believe it. she was asking me for the cam. she wants to self portrait. =.=

that sweetie started dragging people to take photos with her. poor Augustine became her very 1st victim. gosh. shouldnt have introduced her the cam. T.T

2nd and very last victim before ii kept my cam was Kathrine. okae. if they were not my cousins, ii would have scolded them act cute. and the truth is. that pose is really not cute. supposed to be ba. ii think. (:

ii'm sitting down here
but hey, you cant see me.

2006-03-12T01:28:00.001-08:00

Evil Thought.

ii suddenly have this weird feeling
ii wanna meet up with that Stephy girl.
that rival of mine.

ii think... ii think
she might make a nice friend.
wahahahaha.

oh. how could ii??
Bitchy me.
damn it. (:

date her out for a coffee talk.
sweet aint ii? :D

2006-03-11T02:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Day!

yes. skating was indeed fun.
okae okae.
so with that bunch of jokers,
everyday spells F U N.
yay. (:

so much am ii looking forward to the next OUTING.
haha. love them so so much.
they make my day.
woot woot.

stayed at dearest's after that.
in hope to get better sleep.
however...
DEAREST SLEEP TALK.
T.T never mind la.

my hands and legs are aching.
side effects lor.
got little intsy wintsy bitty bit of flu.
NO SMOOCHY OKAE!!~

dont look at others okae,
dearest, it is you fault.
T.T haha.

just another day. :D

2006-03-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

Just Like You.

so tired this few day.
YAWNS.
*COUGH COUGH*
*SNIFF SNIFF*
ii am sure getting sick.
T.T

no feelings.
barrier there.
ii aint doing much to get rid of it.
numb.

perhaps this isnt what ii want.
perhaps this is all just too good to be true.
perhaps ii aint me no more.
perhaps things will never be the same again.
perhaps...

... all is just an illusion.

but still, no worries.
no hurtful word.
maybe not ever.
unless...
just wanna keep you in my heart. (:

REMEMBER? YOU ARE MY SUPERMAN. (:

2006-03-05T20:52:00.000-08:00

Aint As Easy.

came back from sentosa.
went with mommy, daddy and augustine.
love them all. how cool can they get?
SMILES.
went to siloso to play volley.
didnt get much tan though. T.T

long chat with Jordan yesterday.
brought me thinking.
many doubts running through.
what he said does make sense after all.
SIGHS.
ii know things wil never be the same again.
its either they get better,
or GULP hais~ ya thats it.
ULTRA DUPER SIGHS.

just when ii thought all was over,
ii started thinking.

If i could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If i could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go

2006-03-05T00:20:00.000-08:00

Stinky Winky.

tired tired tired.
damn la. ii feel like shitting.
but,
but...
it aint coming out. T.T
NO HOR! IT IS NOT CONSTIPATION HOR.
dont think too much. (:

found out that unexpected people comes and vist your blog.
but the best part of all is that,
THEY DONT TAG. so you dont know.
not good at all.
ii like people tagging.

skating blading bah, what ever you call it.
ii just want it and ii want it now.
STOMPS. okae, ii am being kidish.

job hunting is killing me.
bosses nowadays are so typical.
experience experience.
shit la. if you dont give me a chance,
pls dont talk to me about experience.

CRAZY LEGS BAR. damn it.
my dream.
reasonable pay, nice ambience, good boss.
where to find such a lobang??

ii look for enjoyment in life.
factory aint my cup of tea.
but ii can make do with it though.
JUST LET ME GET THAT FREAKING DREAM JOB LA!!

2006-03-04T03:56:00.000-08:00

Love Life.

yay. ii am blogging at such weird timings.
sleepless nights are over.

my dear girl, you've brought us closer.
made me realise how impt he is to me.
thanks. love ya.

tummy ache. NOT GASTRIC. T.T
no bleeding gums.

Tai Chee and Basketball. imagine doing both together. (:

well, do ya?
do ya, do ya wanna?
well, do ya?
do ya, do ya wanna wanna go?
where ii've never let you before

you lucky, lucky
you're so lucky!

2006-03-03T04:57:00.000-08:00

Squares. (:

after so much, ii still love you.
dont ask me why.
aint angry. aint nothing.
perhaps all will just be like ii wished for.
happy ending. (:

square one. SMILES.

what if someone tried to enter your relation?
what if someone almost became the third party?
what if he said nothing happened?
would you believe?

ii do. and ii am glad.

share my choice? hah. try.
if its meant to be yours, its yours.
like ii've said, its MEANT to be. (:

glad ii didnt choose to give you up.
if not, ii would be giving me up.
and given her a chance to be there.

YAY! MELODIIE, YOU ARE SO CLEVER. (:

2006-02-27T13:40:00.000-08:00

Room Packing. =.=

okae okae. so ii found out that ii was practically blogging every day. no choice. thats what you do when you are bored. YAWNS. cannot sleep well lately. sleep late wakie early. wonder why.

T.T cannot go out. my room is in a total mess. ii wanna go skating. improve my skills. noob. POUTS.

okae, lets see. how long was it since ii last saw him? 1,2,3... oh gosh, its been more then a week. =.= weird feeling coming up. have to keep telling myself, "aiya, begining is like that one la." to keep myself away from bad thoughts. dont like. but what to do? SMILES.

dont feel like doing anything recently. just wanna skate around and feel the breeze running through my hair. nobody accompany me. Augustine has swimming. if not ii shall ask him along. totally hates loneliness. will baobeii go with me? dont know. she still sleeping. most probably she'll be too lazy for it. SMILES. and ii dont want her old injury to come again. definately no no.

haha. oh ya, restrictions. ii wonder if my restrictions apply to him as well. hmmm. hopfully.

work work work. ii seriously need to work. no money. baobeii birthday in getting closer. and ii still owe him a pressie. POUTS. valentines day. haha. can you believe it. (: oh and plus ii want to modify my skates. change the wheels and stuff. yay.

things will get better, wouldnt they? (:

2006-02-26T14:59:00.000-08:00

thoughts.

recently too much has happened. it's like ii am no longer me. ii need a holiday. ii dont know what is going on in my head. ii feel all weird. what has happened to the happy go lucky and straightforward girl ii used to be? she aint coming back?

every morning ii wake up hoping that all was just but a nightmare. somehow it never is. somehow ii feel that all aint gonna be the same anymore. he has changed. but so have ii. promises are meant to be broken. dont tell me never when you just did. hurts. right now, ii dont even know what ii want. probably for the initial times. no longer can face his mommy. ii dont know. all seems different. maybe this just aint what ii am looking for. maybe this aint bringing anybody anywhere. simple him is gone. forever? ii dont read him like a book anymore. all is worst then the dictionary. dont know what he wants. what has happened to all the laughter? all memories have been erased in just a week or so. ii try to force myself in not believing. but all is most probably true.

is this my idea of a continual? now its like ii am restricting myself to everything. ii dont dare to ask him where he goes and what he is gonna do and so on and so for. is this the idea of freedom? or am ii just afraid of being the control freak? nobody dotes on my like the past. ii told him he would regret. and ii was right. he told me he'll not say that hurtful word. but he was wrong. perhaps all is pre-desinated. ii know love aint forever. and with more and more evidence adding up, ii am strongly sticking to my view.

my heart doesnt feel. should ii ask what he wants and why he changed? or is the reasoning going to hurt me? perhaps ii might as well just live with the change. in hope that one day, just one day, all would be the same again.

there is just too much fears in me.

wanting more from me...

ii aint gonna make it...

2006-02-26T02:26:00.000-08:00

Honesty.

loads of thinking going on in my brain. supposingly one day it might just get overworked and ii might go crazy. wahahahaha. passed him a letter and the ring. got back an answer. thanks for the chance. appreciated. SMILES

like a breeze. short two months is over. filled with memories. good or bad. rough road ahead. obstacles to cross. it is true that people only learn their lesson after the lose. ii want to start afresh. love him like ii've never been hurt. but is it possible? for me. confidence. never changed for anyone in my whole entire life. not sure if this is going to work. but like ii read in my favie girl's bloggie. "For you, I will" (: guess its worth it. you said try my best. but what if the best aint good enough. worries. loads of 'what if ...'going on in my mind. SIGHS.

seriously, ii know nuts about changing and stuff. and ii get stucked in between situations like ii did just now. does changing means not listening to the heart? or am ii just too bothered about changing? ii dont know. initiative? ii really dont know about this. as in people close to me all know that ii never take hints. so how about initative? culeless.

ii am really afraid. somethings are just too impt for me to lose. afraid that history might repeat itself. too afraid of everything. maybe ii am just paranoid. (: but what if things aint gonna be the same? SIGHS. thinking too far eh. totally hate being alone. scares me.

am ii going to receive morning msges like ii used to? am ii going to talk to you at night till you are tired? am ii going to be the one you think of everyday? ii keep thinking. more and more qns. ii am so scared. just so scared. still it lies with the word 'confidence'. guess ii just dont have enough of it.

miss you alot. since a week or so before, iive not met you or talked to you properly. pains the heart to see you so stressed up and yet, there is nothing ii can do about it. SIGHS. ii really wish for things to be back. like the 1st times. memories of you fill my air. everything ii do, its related. just somehow cannot live without.

ii want to grow up. ii want to show you ii can. ii want to prove. no more spoilt brat. ii am serious.

will ii be accepted just like ii was? promises? never broken?

still love you like ii used to...

2006-02-25T01:06:00.000-08:00

Laughter. (:

ahh~ just came back from blading.
feel all sticky. yucks.
waiting for the heater to heat up.
haha. surpise surpise.
so late eh.
SMIRKS.

had fun today.
didnt think much too.
hope they can just fill my day.

exams are over.
but so?
we are still as distant.
blah. (:

later in the morning ii might as well stay at home and do some packing.
at least there is something to keep me occupied.

oh. and few more things.
1. ii just found out that the last buses at punggol was 0036.
aint that good? (:
2. Darren is a rather nice person to hang out with. (:
3. Tong Ming is so shuai la. T.T OMG~ FAINTS

love 43.
love Junyong's $419.

envious. POUTS

2006-02-24T10:54:00.000-08:00

Morning.

OMG. Drizzles.
NO~

hopefully it will stop
ii wanna go blading.
ice skating would be fine too.
but ii short of cash. T.T

things are getting from bad to worst
but never mind
ii believe that ii am strong enough to hold on.
with all you peeps hearing me out.
breaking down in to tears would be a total disappointment.
hopefully no more tearshed.

ii suddenly miss mommy.
gonna be with her on Sunday.
yay.
at least that way, ii wouldnt be thinking much.(:

hate being at home alone.
think of bad memory.
its even worst if there is nobody online ii can talk to.
T.T

gonna pack my room.
remove all memory items.
lets hope the happy melodiie will be back in no time at all.

drifting apart aint impt any more.
just wanna carry on with life,
with or without,
in total happiness.
no regrets...

2006-02-24T00:49:00.000-08:00

FNDB was ahem. T.T

exams over!
ahhh~ at last
the long awaited hols are here
but then ii suddenly feel so free
dont have that kinda hols mood ley
hmmm.

watched Final Destination 3 just now
wasnt as scary as ii thought.
rather growse actually.

imagine...

1. your go for some fake tanning and gets burn to death because you cannot escape.
2. you cut the back of your head with a motor fan and all your brain juice splatters all over the place.
3. you lift weights and the weight drop and squashes your head.
4. the nail gun shoots nails at you from the back of your head and piercing right through it.
5. a flag comes from nowhere and the flag pole pierces right through your body.
6. you wanna kill somebody to stop the curse but a metal signboard drops from above and cuts you into half.
7. 5 months later you thought you were alright but no, you and the last two survivors die horribly in the train.

its all in the pictures. you see your death before you even meet it.

moral of the story:
1. wear plain tees when taking pictures
2. take pictures only in plain background. E.G. plain white wall
3. go to a studio to get your picture taken. to prevent techincal errors like shaking of cameras or over exposure.

yay, ii am free for the hols. anybody going out?? (:

2006-02-22T21:03:00.000-08:00

CMSY?? T.T

dinner was nice. long time since ii had such a dinner. more of it? (:

went through loads of thinking. ought to do more catching up.

its just weird how people suddenly change. for the better. (:

me, ii mean. (:

2006-02-22T00:33:00.000-08:00

Broken Smiles.

its all different.
can never get the good old times back.
after exams?
well, we shall see about that.

ii try to appear unaffected infornt of you,
but that aint the real me.
perhaps its all meant to be.

ii've lost hopes.

trying not to think so much
but memories are flashing in my head.

2006-02-21T19:07:00.000-08:00

Maths was alright.

two very irritating guys were talking very loudly in the bus...

guy1: wah, cars very expensive leh.

guy2: is it? how come leh?

guy1: that time my uncle's car kena scratch by people, then the paint came off. it cost 100++ just to get that little bit sprayed.

guy2: huh. but that one is paint ma. of cause expensive la. the the infront that glass leh?

me: =.= *that glass thingy you said is called windscreen*

guy1: wah. that one worst arh. few hundred dollars leh.

then they continued talking about more spare parts and prices...

so that is why that freaking noisy guy is taking bus la. because he cannot afford a car. and whats more. must he go around talking so loudly so that everybody knows? =.= disturb my sleep. hate you. POUTS.

then again, ii started thinking. if ii were to get my license, what car would ii get? hmmm. no 'wu gui convertable'. too expensive. T.T whats the cheapest?

and so ii looked out of the window for reference...

1st car ii saw, toyota corolla.
2nd car, toyota corolla.
3rd car, a taxi.
4th car, toyota corolla.
5th and 6th still toyota corolla.

=.= so lame.

plus 3 out of 5 of them are of the same colour.

hate that car. always used as prizes for lucky draws. no no no. that is not going to be my future car. mines gonna be special. (:

George went to look for Antonio after exams. he wanted to know why he failed his assigment. Antonio told him that he didnt remember what George's codings were. but he told George not to worry. the assignment was only 40%, the term test was 20% and the exam 40%. 1st things 1st, 40% and not to worry??! gosh. 2ndly, George didnt pass his term test. and he just told George not to worry. =.=

but still, no doubt that Antonio is kind of the best teacher ii've every had. (:

2006-02-20T21:25:00.000-08:00

OOPG was okae.

ii was forgotten today.

no msges.

ii told myself not to mind,
and that it would be over soon.
but ii know ii still do. )':

2006-02-19T22:15:00.000-08:00

You

perhaps like you said, ii've changed. ii dont know. ii used to think that you would be there always. was ii wrong? ii feel a distance. what happen to love and care? who was the one who said he'll aways be there for me and love me always, and who is the one leaving me in the dutch now? yes, ii keep things in me. but did you bother to ask? did you? did you try to know? you didnt. we are different. all is different. changes. then again ii ask myself, whats the point in carrying on if this is what it results to?

stress may be your problem. but mine is confidence. ii no longer have to confidence to hold you close to me. the distance is pushing me further. ii am begining to doubt myself. maybe you just love me no more.

no msges
no calls

ii think ii get what you mean. )':

2006-02-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

Cries from the Heart.

my life is in a total mess. ii am falling apart. from others point of view, ii have everything. but the truth is, ii have nothing. nothing at all. is it that difficult to understand? family, friends, relationship, money, studies.. oh god, just tell me what you want me to do right now? ii cannot stop crying. its never been that bad.

ii hate the way she pretends to know. pretends to care. you dont. you absoultely dont. and you never would. in your eyes ii am just another bad kid. and so you never really took time to notice how ii felt and such.

and him? he's been showing favourism since the day ii began to get facts right. that aint fair. aint fair at all.

how many a times do you know ii cried myself to sleep? how many a times did ii blame him for not bring me with him when he left? how many a times did ii need care and concern? and how many a times was ii just left alone staring at the motionless tv with the ever so irritating maid?

you never did know once. and when ii told you ii heard something and was terrible afraid. you just gave me a frustrated look and told me off. you ask me to stop making up stories and scare him. but, dear mommy, let me tell you. he was soundly asleep. you never did care. you never did.

ii remember times when ii told you about nice events that happened to me. you didnt even seem to bother. you didnt even listen to me. you always told me family relations are very impt. so tell me, what is your idea of family relations? is screaming and shouting at me a way to show building of relations? you never trusted me. you never trusted nobody. can you tell me what am ii in your eyes? was ii ever family?

you never praised you never encouraged. you just scolded. in your eyes ii am just a failure. so then, why do ii even try so hard to succeed?

ii was wrong, ii am wrong and ii know ii will be wrong.

then ii see you standing there
wanting more from me
and all ii could do is try

dear mommy, ii've grown to see that ii'll never be right in your eyes. ii'll never be perfect. ii'll never be good. ii never even dreamt of being great. ii am just another disappointment. just another bad kid, just another failure. ii no longer see your smiles. and even if ii do, they never belonged to me. it seems like we're history. we're falling apart. not me, not you, but us. ii dont want to face you anymore. ii am afraid of your calls. ii am afraid of your voice. ii am afraid of you. ii am sorry. ii was never good.

ii miss him, miss the way he loved me. missed the way he cuddled me in his arms and rock me to sleep all night. miss the way he shield me whenever ii was to get scolded or beaten by her. miss the way he tried to give me something when he had nothing. miss the way ii help him fold paper bags for a living. although ii will always make a mess out of it, he never did scold me. miss the way he stroke my head telling me ii've been good. then one day, he left. ii saw everybody come out crying. ii asked what happened but nobody said anything. for all ii know, he was gone for good. to a better place. a place when he didnt have to suffer needles. a place without me. he didnt bring me.

its been years since he was gone. but right now, he still lives deep down in my heart. he understands. ii know he does.

so they have radios in heaven?
ii hope they do. (:

2006-02-15T18:47:00.000-08:00

A Non-believer.

as usual. hate valentines. having cold war with mommy. totally not good. how am ii suppose to tell her ii lost the ezlink card? haiix~

is it possible for one to sleep 3/4 of the day? arh, whatever.

ii have to force the word in to my head. ii am usually a believer. what happened?

supposed to start mugging. but ii just cannot concentrate. it is exploding my freaking head. doubt doubt doubt. people around sucks. not going to mention names.

and guess what, at times like this, who is the one entertaining me with lames? surprise surprise. dear old cussie.

okae okae, so ii am not as unfortunate. but ii am overpower by boredom. help~

haiix~ blueberries fill my head. ii feel so yucky. who on earth wants to be the blueberry picker? ii am having many doubts. so in situations like this, who is the one at losing ends?

ii've changed so much. now when ii look into the mirror, its like ii dont even know myself. ii see nothing. its so empty in here.

no one talks to me like before. perhaps ii was wrong. people didnt lose me. ii lost them all.

bullshit to the 'time will tell'. yes yes yes, time will tell how terrible ii feel. ii have to overcome this strong sense of getting hurt and put up a strong front every day. ii am so so tired. and who will expect to see that behind this strong front, is a weak girl who doesnt even know herself.

one big fall has lead me to this devastating state. ii used to trust you. ii used to confide in you. but now, its like ii am totally out of your circle. you dont need me anymore. ii've been replaced.

at my saddest moments, ii was alone. who the hell cared if ii was afraid? lies. excuses. its all enough.

ii've learnt to trust no one. to be selfish. to live alone.

2006-02-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

Valentine

then ii see you standing there,
wanting more from me,
and all ii can do is try.

sometimes its weird how your mind and heart just cannot coordinate. you think you want to do something, but your heart tells you otherwise. right now, ii dont feel. cold air surrounds me. cannot be decribed.

if only ii could live in memories. times when all was well. times when we were happy. times when all was pure. simple and sweet.

if only we never grew up.
if only you knew..

hard times be over. ii never really knew what ii wanted. or perhaps ii just wanted everything. nothing ever seems to be perfect. the way ii want it to be. things never seem to go my way. ii am yearning something exciting to happen.

ii want to experience new things.
ii want to meet new people.
ii want to see the other better me.
ii want to be happy.

am ii too greedy? o.O

many things we encounter. but how many do we overcome together? tearshed. problems solved? no, a big fat, NO. there deep down within, problems still lies. we tried means and ways to over come all odds and obstacles. but in fact, the biggest obstacle is ourselves. its just too big a problem to solve.

relationships is not just about love. nor has is got anything to do with money. its about mutual understanding. its about caring. its about us. it's no longer is a 'me' factor. and that is where times are hard.

love is indeed sweet. but the sad thing is, how much you put in may not be how much you get in return. and the difference between relationships and love is that, relationship is a two people thing whereas love can be individual problem.

5 minutes ago, ii looked through my old cd collection. ii came across the Sun Yan Zi - Start. then ii recalled one song. Sometimes love just aint enough.

i dont wanna lose you
i dont wanna use you
just to have somebody by my side

and i dont wanna hate you
i dont wanna take you

but i dont wanna be the one to cry

that dont really matter to anyone, anymore
but like a fool i keep losing my place

and i keep seeing you walk through that door

but there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
there's a reason why people dont stay where they are

baby, someimes love just aint enough

now i could never change you
i dont wanna blame you

baby, you dont have to take the fall

yes, i may have hurt you

but i did not desert you
maybe i just wanna have it all

it makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like the rain
and like a fool who will never see the truth

i keep thinking something's gonna change

but there's a danger in loving somebody to much
and its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
there's a reason why people dont stay where they are
baby, sometimes love just aint enough

and there's no way home
when its late at night and you're all alone
are there things that you wanted to say

do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where i used to lay

and there's a danger in loving somebody to much

and its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch
there's a reason why people dont stay who they are
cause baby, sometimes love just aint enough

baby, sometimes love just aint enough...

okae, happy valentines day. (:

P.S. ii havent bought him a pressie. T.T * POUTS*

2006-02-11T00:22:00.000-08:00

Your Enterance.

you were sweeter then the sweetest syrup,
you were better then the rest of the best,
your tears broke my heart into pieces,
but with a mistake it all ends.

ii know ii still live deep down within,
ii'm sure ii still do,
but what is the past, is the past,
its all too late for you.

you know what it is like now,
you know just what to do,
but why do you just do the opposite?
what do ii mean to you?

it started with a smile and ended with a tear,
there were just too many changes in you,
thus ii couldnt help but fear.
guess its just all lies ii hear.

ii was not perfect and ii never will be.
but at least for now ii know that without you,
all would never be complete.
thanks for all your time and effort.
getting back what is lost is my repay, you'll see.
(:
with you, smilies and laughter fills my heart.

2006-02-05T12:51:00.000-08:00

Cheap and Good.

woah. okae. QUALITY HOTEL'S SUPPER BUFFET is freaking cheap. it starts at 11 and ends at 1230. the timing kinda short but ii think still okae. it cost ONLY $5.80 NETS per person. what they eat is Taiwanese Porridge. but they also have rice and noodles there.

At first ii thought that they would only serve basic porridge dishes like peanuts, salted vegetables, salted eggs and so on. but ii guess ii was wrong. they had quite a wide range of dishes like prawns and braised duck and so on. the dishes will change every now and then making it a wider choice for customers. the thing ii like best about it is that you can make your own ice kacang and scoop your own ice cream. for ice cream, they have a variety of toppings like peanuts, raisins, hershey's chocolate syrup and strawberry syrup. yes, it is hershey's no doubt. (: oh ya, they have only four tubs of ice creams but they will change flavours once it is finished. yay. ii love it. haha.

okae, now for the bad thing, because it is too cheap, the queue tends to be very long. my mother went there at 1120 the other day and didnt get to go in. at 1130, the waitress told her that there was no more chance. the people would not be coming out. so she left. this time we left house at 1030 and reached at 1045. there was no queue but many people. mommy wondered why. then this man went to queue. mommy said since there was already someone queuing, we shall queue too. and indeed. all those people the went waiting to eat supper. after we queued, the people followed on. luckily we were 2nd. (:

quality hotel is at balastier and if you wanna go, better go earlier. (:

okae, no more advertisement!

ii miss my dearest. and my bestest, and my sillyest, and my darling, and my once closest (baobeii)!

haiix~ ii guess ii am just bored. X=

2006-02-03T16:30:00.000-08:00

MY NEW HOT TOPIC!!~

aha. finally ii am here to update a post for febuary. recently ii've been busy. after the projects, new year. =.= ii dont like reunion diner. but, its over. so be it. hee. (:

okae. ii recently, ii've heard about this girl. the NEW HOT TOPIC. 'cool' babe. lovely. (: although ii dont know her well, but from what ii see, she seems boy crazy. ii mean like, ii am sure we girls WILL STILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER without boys. but thats not her case. sadded. (:

she laughs exageratingly loud, loves to flirt, abit wide, messy hair, okae, so ii dont know what those guys see in her. sorry. she makes friends through those magazine intros, friendster, and other friend making webbies. she always wants to be part of the fun, but cannot take jokes. =.= tries to be friendly to all people especially boys. she like to boost, (okae, not to me la.) about how may people like her and so on. but please, ii believe many of you would wanna tell her to look hard at herself in the mirror. its not like ii am going against how she look. but there is a limit to all. and ii just cannot stand her. luckily we were never close. (:

damn. ii hate to hear her freaky voice. her ghastly laugh sends chills down my spine. oh god. pls make that scary girl go away. seeing her freaks me out. but on the other hand, thanks to her, ii feel fortunate. *smiles in relieve* why is she so desperate? the more she wants to act well liked, the more she sucks at it. somebody, pls tell her. oh ya. she loves singing. okae. those who know who ii am talking about, pls tell me, do you idolise her? (:

nice fashion sense. ii really wanna comment on her dressing. okae, ii agree that we dont need to dress too exageratingly. besides, it is not a fashion parade. but at least dress presentable. white cardign (is that how ou spell it?) and white shirt do not match. especially when it is so tight fit to the extend that it is about to burst open. someone told me she looks like a dumpling. X=

okae, now for the good side of her, she err... listens to good songs and... err... listens to good song *hmm did ii say that before?* err.. okae. guess no more. sorie. ):

Joann, sorie ah. didnt mean to say too much about your favourite. (:

2006-01-28T01:48:00.000-08:00

Kiasu Singaporeans.

went to Compass Point to have dinner with mommy and daddy. yes. only the three of us. poor Augustine was having his tuition. the food court was like freaking crowded. damn it. so hard to find seat. why so many people ar? they never eat before meh? haha.

then ii went Metro to get my nail poilsh remover at level 1. the queue at the cashier was so exagerating. from the cashier all the way throughout the men's dept and to the cosmetics. haha. last minute shopping eh. haha. dumb la. ii hate the queue. and for goodness sake, ii hate the damn lady infornt of me even more. supposingly she had no money, so she used visa. * the card whereby you use and use till your bill explode without knowing - the killer * the ii dont know why, she had this $1 redemption. due to her auntiness, she did not understand. the cashier had to explain to her repeatedly for about 5 minutes. excuse me, mind you. it is ony a $1 redemption for goodness sake. ii hate you. X=

then we came home. waited for Augustine and proceeded on with the aunty shopping. NTUC at Punggol Plaza was pack full. ii hate the crowd. especially now that ii am with a humongous trolley. =.= damn. okae, now for the stunning part. mommy wanted to buy bread. so we went to the bread section. ii cannot disagree with the fact that singaporeans are kiasu. THERE WAS NO BREAD LEFT ON THE SHELF. how exagerating can it be? argh. the people didnt look as if they were buying food. they looked like snatching food. have they not seen food before? or are they stocking up for some pre-war preperations? kia su people =.=

okae. had a little tiff with dearest just now. how come it is so unfair. mommy sides him. ): she said my wrong. ii dont like being wrong. *pouts* why me??! okae, so dearest, how much did you give my mommy? hmph. ii dont believe it. oh ya. ii told mommy about his mommy inviting me over for reunion dinner and collecting ang pow. haha. unbelievably, mommy invited him over too. 1st time in history. how come mommy seems to side this boy of mine? hmmm. *getting suspicious* haha.

pictues of what dearest did at sentosa:

nice right? haha. dont jealous la. my dearest is the bestest. ii think even my mommy also know. dont know why. she seem to trust him alot. in the past she always doubt my choice. =.= cool mommy.

then now about projects. haha.
my last project for the week. yay. finally. ii can sleep. yipee. love it.

after the effort and all, this is the throw aways. oh god. ii really think we should recycle. regretted feeding it into the green monster. =.=

you know what, ii still think we should save trees. (:

you wish me a ~~Merry Christmas~~ and a Happy New Year~

2006-01-27T17:42:00.000-08:00

End of Torture!

boredom. but wee~ it's end of project week. yay. lla~ ii am just so happy.

CMSY. lets give credit to joann. she did the typing for the 1000 word proposal. yay. joann wan shui. wo hui yong yuan ai ni de. wahahahaha.

2006-01-26T02:26:00.000-08:00

Special You.

firstly, happy one month to my dearest.

total sweetness. (:

hah, ii am SICK. down with abit of fever. the best thing is, it's gonna be CNY soon. -_-"
~~new year goodies~~
mother went to see the doctor too. she complained that he wasn't good and that the medicine he gave was not enough. well, in the first place, why would you need so much medicine for? -_-" after all, you only paid $10. so dont expect too much. but ii thought the doctor was not bad. he gave me 2 days MC to cover. ii only needed one.

all thanks to OOPG, ii didnt get my sleep the night before. and now, ii look like a sick zombie. argh. beauty sleep, where are you?

somehow ii suddenly feel a strong sense of attraction towards dearest. weird. why now? misses.

okae, lets see. what do ii have tomorrow? pass up my late OOPG, send garfield an email, CMSY quiz, do CMSY project and my IDES beta. for my IDES, god knows where to find books on jap fashion and can be borrowed?

haha. ii did something just now. ii had nothing better to do as ii was bored of projects, so ii decided to try out the eye liner. ii thought ii did quite well for a 1st timer. geez. then ii played with the mascara.
...
and...
...
*TADA*
ii thought ii looked like a malay.
-_-"
okae la, was gothic though. but smiling would just break that image. and you know ii cant stop smiling. unless. ii said unless, you provoke me. (:

had a weird thinking today. ii think ii should go get the purple beady necklace ii saw earlier today. the one with a purple ribbon attatched to it. okae, dont ask me why ii want it. ii just like it. and oh gosh, ii found out that ii have totally grown up. to think that ii hated those shoes with the pointed front. used to think that they were used for kicking ass. -_-" and now, ii think they are totally gorgeous. bought a pair myself.

yes, gold. (: but ii love them. haha. so pretty.

okae, reminder: get a black carry bag after new year.

hope ii'll be getting loads of new photos to share after new year. and dearest, its been ages since we took a photo. *pouts* ii hate you. (:

where is my bestest?

2006-01-22T17:35:00.000-08:00

Plants.

yesterday night ii went heartland mall with ma family. mommy wanted to buy the furry furry chinese new year plant called 'pussy willows'. hah. weird. -_-"

they had two different type of pricing. $13.80 for the normal one and $18.90 for the supposingly special one we bought. the person said it was special la. it was the 'lion head' kind. haha. funny type. then the stupid person went to tell everybody that it was special and in the end, everybody bought the $18.90 one. hah, so much for the special eh. -_-"

this is the 'special' one we bought. as you can see. the furry furry thing is much rounder as compaired to the normal one. haha. they look abit like the yellow nuts they sell at the kachiam puteh stall. (:

mommy ask me to tie the red ribbons on the plant. haha. nice hor. *ahem, better say nice*

ii spotted this orchid section in the nursery. so ii went to take a look. the orchids there were beautiful. but there was only one that caught my attention. the white orchid. sorry, ii dont know the type name. hee.

so pretty. hee. sorry ar. my camera not clear. haha. but mommy said it was expensive and wouldnt let me buy. pouts. but ii suppose, even if she did allow me to buy, the plant would just die in my hands. muahahaha.

are tomatoes suppose to be auspicious too? why do ii seem to see them all around the nursery? haha. ii hate tomatoes, but still, the tomaotes there are just simply gorgeous. small and red and they are shaped abit like pumpkins. haha. -_-"

okae. so they dont look small in the picture. but do believe me. they are as small as strawberries. haha. wa, chiisai desu ne. demo, kawaii desu. (:

and finally, something that totally disgust me. eew~ ii dont like the look of it. haha.

dont you totally agree with me? sickening. come on people, let your imaginations run wild and then tell me what it looks like. haha. ii really wonder how people actually grow funny looking plants like this. it looks like two ginsengs wrapped up to form one. not nice at all. then again, is it as expensive as the ginseng? hmm. maybe double the price since it looks like two. haha. (:

okae, time for projects again. OOPG, here ii come. /=

2006-01-20T21:28:00.000-08:00

Loads.

bad start. project till 5 in the morning. then slept awhile and projects somemore. ii look like a zombie now. damn shack. finally one project down. 4 more to go. jia you bah, melodiie.

after the project was submitted into the digital drop box, ii felt totally relieved. was happily jumping around the printer, smiling smiling, laughing laughing.

Joann printing and Jane trying to hide away from the camera. haha. Hor hor, what wrong did you do? muahahahaha.

happily printing. then it happened. the most hatred PAPER JAM~!! haha.

so, they tried to fiddle with the printer for awhile. ii dont know why, but ii just find Jane's posture very funny. haha. cute la.

then it all happened. bad end. ii hate the way he just dont understand. ii hate the him now. ii dont feel important le. but, heck la. it all sucks. adds on to ma stress only.

somethings are better left untold, its ma side of the story. (:

2006-01-19T02:34:00.000-08:00

Clever girl.

OMFG~!! ii think ma back gums are swelling. argh. freaking irritating. and for your information, its definately not tooth decay. it is the ever so meddlesome WISDOM TOOTH. ii am just becoming cleverer thats all. (:

ii appreciate the clever part but never the pain that it brings ya. so, ONCE AND FOR ALL, STOP THE SWELLING. X=

FNDB's due date is on friday. hurry hurry. problems problems. but, believe in Melodiie and Sandii. we do miracles. haha.

thanks TP for:

- having not enough labs
- employing some stupid selfish teacher who wouldn't share lab

- giving us many 'so enjoyable ' modules

...

and to repay the good deeds, pls refund me ma school fees. (:

hah, but okae la. speaking the truth, ii like school. there are SOME nice teachers. *you know who you are, so Antonio, pls forget about the bear.* besides him, there are afew more. helpful lovable teachers. simply perfect.

great friends too. Sandii, Joann, Jane. Jia you Jia you Jia you for our upcoming projects. haha. may laughter be with us like how it is currently. hee. love it. and ii love you peeps. *which means you too, Sandii (#'_'#)*

life is great the way it is now. just that ii still miss girlfriends. but no worries, Meii promised not to forget me. *smiles (:* Phy and ii will get our bonds back. somehow ii just know it. faith. attitudes and all. bah. who cares. at least not me. not now. hee. Ru is still quite a distance. dont ask me how. fate will decide.

at ma lowest you were there. despite of all the headache and slight fever, you helped me with ma FNDB. you know ii was tired. you helped me with ma typing. you didnt know much but you tried. touched. dearie, tell me how not to get so deeply attatched to you? you kept asking me about the 'perfect boyfriend' thingy. well sweety, let me tell you, nobody is perfect. ii will never know if you wil be one. but for now, you are good enough. can never be better. (:

new year is just round the corner. heard loads of CNY songs. but that still doesnt give me the impact for the festive mood. what to do? cannot wait to wear new clothes. cannot wait to have ma reunion dinner *focus on the word dinner*. cannot wait to receive what ii have been yearning for, ang pows. lastly, ii just cant wait to get done and over with.

IT School the Curry Yong Tau Foo not bad. haha. yum yum. but ii dont think ii would wanna walk past that stall again. today the cashier aunty was too engrossed in her conversation that she forgot to charge me. due to me being on the fone, ii didnt notice too. till after it was over. haha. saved ii guess about $2.70? haha. not bad ehx~

suddenly ii think of something...

Weiwen and his christmas shirt~

have you ever seen a panda in christmas shirt? -.-"

haha. lla~

2006-01-15T13:02:00.000-08:00

Stories.

'ii see you there

you touched ma hand

then ii saw your face

ma hands just wouldnt allow me to do the same

ii held back

many tries lead to tiredness

that smile no longer belonged to me

you walked out on me

left me standing watching your back

felt cold, ma heart ached

times have changed

and people are different

it is secretly happening behind your back

nothing can bring back the good old days

its just kept in ma heart, your smiles.

i'l remember the times you smiled for me.'

dont ask me why ii wrote this, ii just did. but when ii was feeling all lost and cold, you were there. you never complained about ma temper or ma attitude. you stood there by me. you're nice and ii know it. ii never deserve. loved the way you make me smile.

times are hard when things have got no meaning
ii've found a key upon the floor

maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find

behind the door..

who da hell said chicken little was nice? boredom. night in with phy reminds me of the sweet memories. (: loved them. if only ma girlfriends were there like they used to.

went bugis ytd. saw Lee Guo Huang. we made alot of comments. hah, what a gay. the way he walk and all. hee. then he went to cheers, phy gave a stupid excuse saying that she wanted to buy drinks. we followed. thought he was going to buy something but no. we were totally wrong. he was there to look at some stupid bettings shown on the screen beside the 4D booth. argh. shit gambler. X=

far east was the next stop. saw Desmond along tangs. perhaps going to far east. ii didnt see him till phy said," eh, that guy looks like desmond." then ii was like, "it is what". gosh, what was ii to do? pretended ii didnt see and hope to get away with it. but no.. that totally did not happen! she got all excited and shouted over quite a distance. "SISTER~!!" argh. he turned and said "eh~" haha. phy said he saw us initially. if then why did he eh? as if it was a surprise. then again, if what phy said was the case, then he too thought he could get away by pretending not to see. haha. its fated. (:

da night didnt go on well, had a little tiff with him. saw jamie at cine. 2nd time ii am seeing her at cine. she is like damn skinny la. gosh. does she eat? hmm. quite pretty la. cute girl ii must say. okae, now for the two exceptions that ii saw. one real pretty and one, err, ahem. not say not pretty la. just that she had outstanding teeth. phy pointed them out for me. the pretty one was Snowbell. *ii think that is what she was known for* she was with us all da time, but ii didnt really notice. still ii would regard her as pretty. (: the outstanding one was known as Bunny. hmmm. weird. but she does live up to her name though. besides her ahem *coughs* teeth, she is also a bubbly jumpy girl. haha. all from ma point of view, may be bias.

iloveme.(:

2006-01-13T03:17:00.000-08:00

Kinda invisible.

aha. finally done with da notes. bye bye precious sleep. Principles of Management sucks big time. X= all worth it.

seafood last night was absoutly great. wonderfull people too. nice family. (:

many days gone by and lots of things have set me thinking. now ii realise, ii truly love him. from the way he cares, understands and gives in, seriously what more am ii to ask for? baobeii said he was a perfect boyfriend. true? (: time will prove it all.

SQL sucks too. ii tried to install it but ii cannot. there were some dumb errors that ii dont know of. irritating. hate hate.

many people have become strangers to me. yet they were once so close. lost.

then ii see you standing there

wanting more from me

and all ii can do is try...

2006-01-11T22:20:00.000-08:00

Rain Rain Go Away.

M I C K E Y M O U S E
its for the commoners. (:
but she got da freaking pendant for like 65% off. it's so stupidly cheap. ii woud have bought it too. X= ii mean like, which company would offer their staff so much discount. hah, then ii wonder how much da cost price is?? :D

failed FNDB didnt score as expected for CMATHS1. George said ii scored the best for CMSK1. he said that ii was the only one that got B for an overall. o.O?

who da hell set da rule that black was inauspicious? hate it. ):

ii want a new look for new year. so what now? gosh. big big headache. S=

no quarrels no shit. but what happened to girlfriends? haiix~

2006-01-09T14:25:00.000-08:00

Long Long Entry?

and here ii am. blogging once more. (:

these days iive been tired. sleep at latest 0130 and yet ii am still tired. gosh. what have ii to say for myself. o.O

gums bleeding as usual. now ii can spit blood. cool ehx. X=

its amazing how far the blog add can travel. ma OOPG tutor, Antonio Qi, pointed to me and said," You wrote that ii was a bear in your blog." ii was like errr.. and where the hell did he find ma blog add? X=

okae never mind. haha. he came, read but never tag. thanks alot. hmph.

next time ii will have to mind what ii say. just in case ii say out any *oops*. (:

class is boring as usual. except that now ii have more projects. dry topics make me wanna sleep. arghx.

FNDB ( tables, oracle SQL, tables and more tables) totally boring.
*Select fndb, oopg, cmsy from u.boring b, Where ... *
gosh. and what other INTERESTING subjects do ii have left? X=

OOPG (JGrasp, public, private, attributes, constructors and stupid codings) tedious.
*public static void main..*
okae. ii am totally not good at this. BEAR BEAR, HELP ME!!~

CMSY (hard disk, cache, RAM, ROM, memory and more bits and pieces) so dry.
thanks. no memorising of anything needed. glad. but, how dead can this get? never alive. S=
now we dont have high pitched teacher anymore. "Tian Yau bu jian liao, Tian Yau bu jian liao, Tian Yau pao dao na li liao, Tian Yau bu jian liao." hee. lamified. -_-"

SPECIAL THANKS TO:
that CUTE bear. thanks for helping me pass ma OOPG. ii desperately need your extra lessons. (:

okae. teacher saw me blogging. finally. she tapped me on ma head. but...

who cares. long entry it shall be.

new year shopping has started.

ii mean for me. not those aunty shopping in chinatown.

two major problems:
1. not enough money
2. no idea on what to buy

haha. guess that mean bye bye to shopping. X=

but ii wanna go far east, heeren, wisma, bugis and other chia palang places.

its not even new year yet and ii have started clearing da new year goodies. two box of pineapple tarts in two days *not only ii eat la*.

wonder how much ma ang pow will amount up to this year.

bad news:
THE ANG POWS ARE SHRINKING!!~
not as in physical size. as in content. if you get $20. consider yourself a lucky chap. take the money to buy 4D or toto. (:

ii DONT look forward to family gathering on that particula side of the family. boredom. guess ma only company will be the tv. thanks alot. better give me bigger content ang pows to make up for my lost. (:

guess who da biatchy aunty will be commenting on this year? hopfully not me or my mommy or dumb bro. hatred.

if only ii could stuff my dirty socks into her stinky mouth. hmph. big bully. ii hate you.

2006-01-04T19:01:00.000-08:00

Because Of You.

coldness, neglectance, assumption..
oh. what so ever.
ii just cannot be bothered.

almost died of inner frustration. lucky dumb cousin was there to hear me out. thanks ya. feeling alot better. (:

dont tell me you dare say or that you promise. no swearing no nothing. just dont say you love me if you never meant what you said. hurts.

hate sweet talking. always fall for it. just tell me what your heart says and iill be contented.

2006-01-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

skool starts.

hate projects. piling up very soon. CMSY and FNDB like totally sucks. but still OOPG sucks even more. ):

new year and ii am still that blur. ii just never seem to know what to do. arghx. is it just me?

da dumb hair is so so hard to dry. causing me to lose out on alot of beauty sleep. it takes practically hours. gosh. /=

more blood. dripping this time.

looking forward to a new hairdo everyday. ma only motivation to waking up ii suppose.

yawns. morning lessons just totally sucks. think ii failed java. *sighs*

bucking up soon.

2006-01-01T22:43:00.000-08:00

NEW YEAR.

~~straight.~~
got sick of my hair. so ii went for a major change. curly me. X=

girlfiends.
half alrite. still no unity. disappointed.

no new wishes no nothing. just want things the way they are. simplicity.

fireworks were nice. stay over was okae. toast was still edible. cab flaging was bad. and my mood sux.

met a biatch.
saw a retribution.
listened to a spoiler.

killed my happy new year. thanks. (:

2005-12-29T02:49:00.000-08:00

~~tear stained faces.~~

having mixed feelings. ii dont know what ii want. been thinking alot recently. problems piling.

girlfriends.
tummy.
gums.
blueberries.
what to do??

love ma babes. they dont understand. ii miss them. what happen to smilie faces. efforts put in, efforts lost. fuck pride. pains me. fake smiles. ii am sick of it.

is it just that hard to forgo? am ii just wrong? straight words hurt. it's all not going to be the same isnt it?

cuz iive lost it all ... nothing last forever. (:

2005-12-28T15:44:00.000-08:00

Innocent my ass. (:

okae. so much for the demure look. haha. guys seriously dont like girls, they like dolls. people who agree with all shit they say. ooh gosh. dont ii just find myself lucky now. hee. princess life.

still, ii want both. ii dont like people who look at "non straights" with one werid look. the way they throw their comments at you. oh pls. what has it gotta do with them? cant they just get a life. (:

no more sweetie pie. escaping that innocent look that ii am totally not.

as for attitude, totally agree with meii. just take what is given. shall not make a big fuss or what so ever. cuz even if ii do, what difference will it make.

I WANT MA GIRLFRIENDS BACK!!~

2005-12-28T14:13:00.000-08:00

job shit

~~girlfriends~~

quarrel sucks.

what am ii gonna do with you people? people crying over trivial matters. hate it.

looks like sleepover is gone for good. haiss.

told me to give in. but so what if ii did? will things be better. ii dont even want to remember what happen this early afternoon.

feels weird. but so be it. (:

2005-12-25T17:16:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

psst~ snow sprays.

arghx. banglas are fucking irritating. that contented look on his face pissed me. fat shit.

dinner, nike jacket, little apple doll (erro) and cadbury chocolates. thanks people. (:

"although cannot gib you can keep de things but hope you have a sweet christmas just like the chocolate..". you touched me. almost teared. 1st pressie from you. thanks Wen Long.

new status..

i'm dead tired. enjoyed. love christmas.

2005-12-24T03:53:00.000-08:00

da eve.

just found out what da stupid rusty taste in ma mouth is. its blood. its been a week since ii am like that. wonder why. think it comes out from ma throat. thought ma gums were bleeding initially. then ii went to rinse just now. had some phlem so ii had to spit. turns out that ma spit was red. used to it. (:

yay. da long waited season has finally arrived. but how come ii just dont seem excited? never mind.

cmsy was okaez. came out in 30 min. was a 1.5 hrs paper. :D

cookie baking is tough. especially when you have to bake at least 220. which amounts up to 8 rounds of baking. but da hard work does pays off. smiley faces. alrite.

rocking around the christmas tree~

WISH ME HAPPY HOLIDAYS...

2005-12-22T03:44:00.000-08:00

Santa's lies.

do people only learn to treasure after they lose?

bad day, but meeting up was great. shopping was tiring. still ii miss girlfriends. (:

last paper on friday. and christmas eve is on saturday. yet ii dont have any plannings. or perhaps ii should say ii dont know where to go. how come this christmas seems so different. so boring. =/

what happen to all da christmas carols?

what happen to da christmas tree that sits in da living room?

what happen to all ma christmas pressies?

what happen to da smiles and the laughter?
...gone

sick and tired of all nonsense. please put an end to all these shit. had enough. silly questions and stupid statements dont appeal to me.

your restrictions kills, keep them ten thosand feets off ma ground. till you find a way solve, this shall be solution.

when can ii have ma girls night in? no boys.. rulez.. (:

2005-12-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

Don't Provoke Me.

supposingly ii work better with numbers. yesterday's oopg is totally screwed. today's maths seemed quite okay. except for the part where exceptionally huge numbers happen to be ma answer. (:

ma com is lagging like shit. isit virus? hmmm. heck.

where have all ma babes been... o_O??~

talked to him last night. 1st time we got on phone for so long. still crappy. =X

two more papers and ii am like totally stressed out. missed out alot on sleeping. hate da shagg look.

Christmas is just round da corner.
ii've just made ma wish list:

1. little apple dolls

2. that particular jacket.
3. that pair of havainas slippers

4. that new samsung handphone
5. new hairdo
6. and loads of chirstmas candies *preferably one year supply*

is it possible if ii have them all? huhx.. Santa, isit?

please come quick, ii am desprately in need of more surprises in my life..

TOTAL BOREDOM!!!~

2005-12-19T06:26:00.000-08:00

irritated.

and so who cares about what she said. it's ma own life ii am handling here yarx. ii don't need any comments on who said what. don't wanna give a damn. (:

didnt see her as usual. or perhaps ii've gotten use to it. boys are irritating. they indeed are. they meddle into your affair too much. what happen to freedom? total disappointment.

test sucks. guess its one more supp to take. fated. just simply suck at java.

if possible, may ii request for earlier test times pls. hate da drag. ii have ma own things ii wanna do. damn.

just not in da right mood.

try stepping on ma tail and see what's in for you.

get lost if you don't mean to care. don't pretend.

2005-12-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

major changes.

simply can't wait for da hols to arrive.

he asked if ii wanted to go to da year end foam party. but can ii?

maybe ii am just happy da way it is. 6 more days to an answer. in deep thoughts.

ma heart is in a mess. ii don't feel me. fuck life.

you just left me without saying goodbye. you had me adapting to changes and now that you realise, you want me by you again? how possible is it? apparently some reflection has to be done.

see you walk by almost everyday. initially you didn't catch ma eye. but now that you did, ma mind just wouldn't get you out. ii look at you from a distance feeling so far. you never seem to smile. you always seem so down. ii know ii'll never make a difference in you. you are just so you. and that's what ii like. you're special to me.

oh god. let this year end early. it's been tough on me. no matter how hard ii try to stay unaffected, ii failed.

looking forward to a brand new year, a brand new start, a brand new chapter, a brand new me. hopefully, then all would have ended and back to simple life.

Santa's lies hurt... but you never promised.

2005-12-17T11:29:00.000-08:00

Stress Out.

there is just too much to think about. ii am so confused. relationships are one big problem. why can't someone just have both? said to go with ma heart. but what exactly does ma heart says? find myself staring into blank space most of da time. ii feel pain for no good reason. and no tears are shed. perhaps ii'll just never want to cry again. cold and numb once more? never a good sign. ):

projects and tests are killing me. ii am too down for either one. ii need motivation. Santa, help~

Object-Oriented Programming
19 december 2005

15:30 - 17:00

Computing Mathematics 1
20 december 2005
15:30 - 17:00

Fundamentals of Database Systems

21 december 2005
15:30 - 17:00

Computer Systems

23 december 2005

09:30 - 11:00

sometimes ii feel that there is no need for love. but othertimes ii just feel so lonely. ii am just so fickle-minded. what da hell do ii want? remains a mystery.

2005-12-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

Just Different.

two days since ii blogged. nothing much happened. funny feeling always. so lost so empty.

there is this girl in ma skool that ii like. well, not to mention names. but she rocks like totally. two days since ii saw her too. kinda miss her. somthing new to think about: am ii becoming a ...? err. haha. don't think so. but ii find nothing wrong with it. (:

ii am leaving reality and entering ma own world. ma illusion. imaginary. inbetween. all is so different. people stare at me with one weird look. ii hate it. simply hate it. da difference between reality and imaginary is that in ma illusion, ii get to choose ma likes and don't likes, whereas in reality, even if ii don't like, ii have to pretend that ii like. pretending makes people happy. but it never applies to me.

8 more days to chirstmas eve. could not wait initally, but got tired of getting all excited. ii wanna make it big this christmas but how? ii want a party. but who's gonna organise? ain't it just a festive season like all any other festive seasons? if then, why do ii feel special during christams? ii want ma pressies. ii want ma morning hugs and good night kisses. ii wanna see lots of candy when ii wakie. ii want ii want ii want just too many...

ii miss Santa.. * will you travel an extra mile just to deliver ma pressie?*

all ii want for christmas is a ride on your sleigh, to be able to see da world from high above, to see ma loves fast asleep so soundly so sweet so peacefully. (:

2005-12-14T23:08:00.000-08:00

Closed up bonds? Ma wish.

loh min feii requested me to update ma blog. so here it goes...

oh yarx. he wants me to specify that he just wished me a 'happy' oops.. err.. ii mean merry christmas like 15 minutes ago? haha. now, lets see. today is 14th december 2005. ain't it abit too early? haha. so dumb. oh. and to think he wanted to wish me happy new year too. haha. how dumb. he is just so silly. so lame.

hmmm. gonna receive an amulet from a stupid girl tomorrow. haha. 1st time receiving funny gifts. hee. and wanna know who she is? she happens to be ma baobeiix. hee. she is just so silly too.

talked to jane on da way home. she brought me thinking. thinking about ma relationship things. her points were rather relevant and worth considering. ii enjoyed talking. actually ii would like to have closer bonds between ma poly peeps. as in rather then just see you in skool only policy, perhaps it's time to get united. enjoyed today. da stupid CMSK presentation got us abit closer. abit more united. da way ii see all of us just happily eating and sharing food forgeting all da unhappiness really makes me smile. (:

yay~ sandi lao gong, we did it. we won.. haha. thanks to your moustache ii think. hee. =X

oh yarx. ii giving him an answer on da 24th december 2005. which is christmas eve. happy begining? hmmm. not going to say more. that leaves me 10 more days to enjoy pure freedom ii suppose. single times. haha. just love it.

kaez.. think ii should end lerx. arbo there wil be people complaining that ma blog entry too long lerx. hah. *you know who you are*

lla~

2005-12-14T09:39:00.000-08:00

izzit wrong?

ii was meerly just speaking da truth. ii mean like. if even if da truth is wrong, then maybe you should continue lying to yourself. ii hate to say it. but you know it deep down in you that something is terribly wrong.

schools getting busy. and mind you, ii really don't like joining you and your peeps in doing things. ii have ma own peeps too. it's not that ii don't like your peeps. it's that sometime ii feel that ii wanna spend time with ma own peeps before ii even start losing them. IT'S TIME TO TREASURE, MA GIRL.

ii know sometime you get upset regarding some stuff. but it is no use getting upset and kicking up a big fuss over it. why not try the other approach? da solving approach. ii read his blog. you do have great friends. really great friends. and ehx. by saying this, ii don't mean me. ii mean people around you.

just treasure kaez. don't lose them. now that you've gotten piorities straight, ii guess it's just time for me to back out. you make me feel that you only come to me when there is no one there. otherwise, ii am kept in da dark. ii am no longer part of all. this is dumb. da feeling sucks. but ii felt it da day since you got too busy to care. you've lost me from that day on. and that seems like ages ago. ii am sorie. really. just too lost to say more. ):

everything has a perfect ending. nobodiie gets lonely this christmas. that silly boy found his love. congrats. and ii just wanna spend ma christmas holding tight to people ii never wanna lose again. meii, ii'll not let you celebrate alone. you'll be with me. ii never wanna lose anyone. phy phy, ii guess you are just not feeling very good these days. ii am sorie ii couldn't be there. do tell me if anything happens. bestiie, ii am sorie for your mosquito bites. hee. promise to see ya soon.

getting busy with ma projects and term test. will have to do alot of catching up during term hols. one week ehx. looking forward. this is project week and next week is term test week. and till now ii am still slacking. OH GOD. PLS MAKE ME STUDIOUS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!! or is it already too late??! hmmm. forget it. better start getting ma things done.

better late then never..

Merry Christmas to me.. (:

lla~

2005-12-13T00:57:00.000-08:00

Piss Me.

ii simply hate da way you try to interfere with ma stuff. ii mean like, what business of yours is it? god damn. =X

arghx. lots of things are irritating me nowadays. everything seems to be getting on ma nerves. what da hell is wrong with me? SHIT DARN PROBLEMS!

ii don't like da way you complain that we seldom meet. in fact we do. it is just that you never did join us. so what da hell is there to complain about? don't like you telling me how much you've gotten used to us not ask you for conference. it was that you were never free. perhaps it's not you that has changed. it's just that you've gotten piorities straight. ii hate it when you tell me you 'really wanna' because in da end you still never did. don't lie. don't say you be there. you never were. all is lost. us, past. it's hard to get back what you've lost. don't blame me for not understanding and don't ever compare me to you. we are just different in every angle that ii see. you are no longer da you that ii know. and ii've adapted to changes.

gone with da blink of an eye..

2005-12-12T00:11:00.000-08:00

Fetish.

sadded initially. found out that ma little apple doll was sold out. it cost $150 in this shop in far east. everytime ii go there ii will go visit, in hope of bringing her home one day. but to ma dismay, she was sold to don't know which bastard. so irritating.

and so ii thought, there goes ma dream. now ii don't even have a chance to look at her. arghx. got so upset.

then some silly someone tried means and ways to cheer me up. he looked all over da net for a picture of ma favourite doll. finally, he found it at ebay.

MA LOVE FOUND A PICTURE OF MA LOVE. how nice. haha.

and now ii understand. he is really important to me. no one has treated me better. no one has ever made me felt so important. simple love him. (#'_'#)

this is ma love. ain't she sweet. ii mean like just look at her. though she looks like any other apple doll, somehow ii am just attracted to her. her name is Mirari. just love her dress. she's so special.

her description: Mirari is wearing a striking blue outfit influenced by a Gwen Stefani video. Despite her conspicuous outfit, she is no less chilling than preceding dolls. As with all Little Apple Dolls her face is not fully formed. "Mirari made the most wondrous things. She could make something out of almost anything and other things out of nothing. Her greatest work of all came from a gift her father gave her. Little Apple Red says you cannot always be sure of what you see and even if you choose to trust your eyes, it may lead to a darker fate... She found herself in the Inbetween when her dreams and waking life became one in the same."

another of ma love, Ianua. Her name is pronounced “Jan-nu-wa” and it means “door/ doorway.” It pertainsto the Greek god of doorways/ beginnings, Janus. they don't have much description of her. but, ii know she is cheaper as compared to Mirari.

ma last two love dolls. haha. they are Creo and Pestis. Creo and Pestis (meaning create and destroy respectively) are an intriguing duo whose background is revealed for the first time. the outfit they are in are da maid outfits. but somehow they just look lovely.

ii wonder why ii have such strong obsession toward apple dolls. ii simply love all da exclusives and series ones. arghx. they are going to cost me a bomb ehx.

save save save.