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Sunday, February 26, 2006
thoughts.

recently too much has happened. it's like ii am no longer me. ii need a holiday. ii dont know what is going on in my head. ii feel all weird. what has happened to the happy go lucky and straightforward girl ii used to be? she aint coming back?

every morning ii wake up hoping that all was just but a nightmare. somehow it never is. somehow ii feel that all aint gonna be the same anymore. he has changed. but so have ii. promises are meant to be broken. dont tell me never when you just did. hurts. right now, ii dont even know what ii want. probably for the initial times. no longer can face his mommy. ii dont know. all seems different. maybe this just aint what ii am looking for. maybe this aint bringing anybody anywhere. simple him is gone. forever? ii dont read him like a book anymore. all is worst then the dictionary. dont know what he wants. what has happened to all the laughter? all memories have been erased in just a week or so. ii try to force myself in not believing. but all is most probably true.

is this my idea of a continual? now its like ii am restricting myself to everything. ii dont dare to ask him where he goes and what he is gonna do and so on and so for. is this the idea of freedom? or am ii just afraid of being the control freak? nobody dotes on my like the past. ii told him he would regret. and ii was right. he told me he'll not say that hurtful word. but he was wrong. perhaps all is pre-desinated. ii know love aint forever. and with more and more evidence adding up, ii am strongly sticking to my view.

my heart doesnt feel. should ii ask what he wants and why he changed? or is the reasoning going to hurt me? perhaps ii might as well just live with the change. in hope that one day, just one day, all would be the same again.

there is just too much fears in me.

wanting more from me...

ii aint gonna make it...

STARES 2:59 PM