Wednesday, November 16, 2005
STARES 11:23 PM*
Many tears ii cried for you...
went to school late today. really late. was suppose to attend ma japanese lecture. haha. actually that was not da main motive. ii came to see somebody. but ii didn't get to see him. he told me he would be going for da lec today, but he didn't. it affected me alot. ma whole mood went down. then ii called her to ask where she was. some how she seemed really unhappy. ii don't know why also. haiix~ that affected me too. ii could withstand it no longer. meii saw that. she ask me accompany her to da toilet. along da way, tears rolled down ma cheeks. she was kinda shocked. she didn't expect me to cry actually. haiix~ then, we sat outside da toilet. ii could not control ma tears. they just kept flowing like it was nobody's business. we talked alot about ma feelings. ii was glad she was there. just there to listen. meanwhile min feii and phy sat at da table waiting. then later they came to look for us. haiix~ ii did things ii didn't even imagine ii would do. gosh. =X how mean can ii get. ii don't know. ii guess ii was just making too many comparison. well, now thinking back, ii was being unfair. how can ii even compair two different people? everybody has their own postive points and negative points. why should ii focus on his negative side? in that way ii would never ever give him a chance to prove himself.
ii know what ii did really disappointed him. because he left shortly. well, only after that did ii find out that ii really do miss him. really deep from da bottom of ma heart. he was important and yet ii did not notice. found out only when ii messaged him at bk. ii asked him not to think so much lerx. ask him to cheer up. at that point of time, all ii could think of was that ii hurt him therefore it was ma responsibility that he cheered up. then he sounded quite okae through msg. so ii told him to not reply until all was back to normal. and he did. he replied me when ii was at cold strorage. but ii did not know. then he called phy for don't know what reason. that made me check ma phone, and ii replied his msg. he told me he smoke one whole pack. ma heart broke at that instant. ii really don't want him to be like that. ii want him to be happy just like he wants me to be happy. ii saw his effort in cheering me up when ii was down but ii neglected it. now ii guess it is pay back time. ii want to cheer him up too. he did not reply ma msg after that. haiix~ ii was kinda worried ii must admit. ii miss him. why didn't he reply? haiix~ ii was sadded.
well, now all is just better. haha. we are back to normal. thank god. luckily he didn't stay angry for long. gosh during da angry times, he really don't know how much ii missed da way he called me stupid girl. da way he would just go against all that ii say. da way we 'quarreled'. haha. now ii really do miss him. and ii know it.
maybe ever since today, he shall be part of ma life. he shall be one important character in ma story. someone ii would never want to lose, no matter of what relation. ii feel so fortunate to just have him around. just happy he was there. haha.
still, don't ask me for ma decision. ii just want to lead back ma simple life, before anything complicated happens and start making impacts on ma life. just want things da way they are now. ii am just so lucky to have all of you there. just ever so lucky. love you guys to bits.
went to school late today. really late. was suppose to attend ma japanese lecture. haha. actually that was not da main motive. ii came to see somebody. but ii didn't get to see him. he told me he would be going for da lec today, but he didn't. it affected me alot. ma whole mood went down. then ii called her to ask where she was. some how she seemed really unhappy. ii don't know why also. haiix~ that affected me too. ii could withstand it no longer. meii saw that. she ask me accompany her to da toilet. along da way, tears rolled down ma cheeks. she was kinda shocked. she didn't expect me to cry actually. haiix~ then, we sat outside da toilet. ii could not control ma tears. they just kept flowing like it was nobody's business. we talked alot about ma feelings. ii was glad she was there. just there to listen. meanwhile min feii and phy sat at da table waiting. then later they came to look for us. haiix~ ii did things ii didn't even imagine ii would do. gosh. =X how mean can ii get. ii don't know. ii guess ii was just making too many comparison. well, now thinking back, ii was being unfair. how can ii even compair two different people? everybody has their own postive points and negative points. why should ii focus on his negative side? in that way ii would never ever give him a chance to prove himself.
ii know what ii did really disappointed him. because he left shortly. well, only after that did ii find out that ii really do miss him. really deep from da bottom of ma heart. he was important and yet ii did not notice. found out only when ii messaged him at bk. ii asked him not to think so much lerx. ask him to cheer up. at that point of time, all ii could think of was that ii hurt him therefore it was ma responsibility that he cheered up. then he sounded quite okae through msg. so ii told him to not reply until all was back to normal. and he did. he replied me when ii was at cold strorage. but ii did not know. then he called phy for don't know what reason. that made me check ma phone, and ii replied his msg. he told me he smoke one whole pack. ma heart broke at that instant. ii really don't want him to be like that. ii want him to be happy just like he wants me to be happy. ii saw his effort in cheering me up when ii was down but ii neglected it. now ii guess it is pay back time. ii want to cheer him up too. he did not reply ma msg after that. haiix~ ii was kinda worried ii must admit. ii miss him. why didn't he reply? haiix~ ii was sadded.
well, now all is just better. haha. we are back to normal. thank god. luckily he didn't stay angry for long. gosh during da angry times, he really don't know how much ii missed da way he called me stupid girl. da way he would just go against all that ii say. da way we 'quarreled'. haha. now ii really do miss him. and ii know it.
maybe ever since today, he shall be part of ma life. he shall be one important character in ma story. someone ii would never want to lose, no matter of what relation. ii feel so fortunate to just have him around. just happy he was there. haha.
still, don't ask me for ma decision. ii just want to lead back ma simple life, before anything complicated happens and start making impacts on ma life. just want things da way they are now. ii am just so lucky to have all of you there. just ever so lucky. love you guys to bits.
STARES 11:23 PM*